Waiting For The End
by L'unionFaitLaForce
Summary: The longer he was with them, the more he would miss them all. After all, how can he not? No matter how annoying they could get, deep down he didn't actually hate any of them. But how can they expect everything to be fine... When he only had one hundred days to live?
1. Prologue

If you were to ask Lovino Vargas how he was feeling, the answer would be, "I'm fine."

It would never change; it would always be fine. If he were having a bad day, he wouldn't show it. If he were having a good time, no smile graced his face. His scowl remained permanent but he didn't seem to be angry.

No matter what, Lovino was simply fine.

Eventually, the constant prodding stopped. People either believed him, or they just stopped caring enough to try. Lovino was abandoned by most but he still remained fine.

However, this didn't mean that people didn't stop worrying about him.

His brother, Feliciano, tried to be with Lovino whenever he could. He would try to take Lovino out to town in hopes that Lovino would have some fun, cook dinner for him so he wouldn't have to, and managed to talk Lovino into quitting his job in case the problem was work-related. Sometimes, Feliciano wondered if he was doing the right thing. Before, Lovino wouldn't mind at all and would stay with Feliciano all day if possible, but lately he's been getting more distant and pushing his brother away. Feliciano worried that he was annoying his brother, and making the problem worse. But what else was there that he could do for him?

His grandfather, Romulus, had been informed of the problem by Feliciano. He was having problems with money but decided to get a plane ticket anyway and moved from his home in Italy to live with the brothers in Canada. Romulus wondered if Lovino was depressed because his parents had died when he was young. He tried as best as he could to be a father figure for the boy, but it was a lost cause.

Matthew, a quiet Canadian boy that lived down the street from Lovino that had known him for a while, tried to cheer him up by taking him to hockey games or baking him something once in a while. Lovino had enjoyed both of these things before, but now at the hockey games Lovino wouldn't pay attention and Matthew wasn't sure if the Italian was even eating the treats that he made for him.

Even Ludwig, Feliciano's boyfriend, tried to make Lovino happier even though the Italian hated him. Ludwig would visit the Italian's home instead of taking Feliciano out somewhere else so that they could all do something together. Ludwig never was good at comforting people, but everyone could easily see that there was something terribly wrong as Ludwig handed Lovino a basket of tomatoes, his favourite food, and all the Italian did was mutter a small "Thanks" and not even bother to cuss at the German.

Even though all the questions had stopped, Lovino didn't know why people still bothered to _try_. They wouldn't gain anything from it, so what was the point? As far as they had to know, he was _fine_, and that would never change. In fact, their attempts to cheer him up only annoyed him further. Why did they keep coming back after he pushed them away? Didn't they see that this was tearing him apart? He didn't _need _to be close to anybody! He didn't _want _to! Couldn't they understand?

No matter how much they tried, Lovino wouldn't open up. He kept building the walls around him up higher and higher. He wouldn't be truly happy until they left him alone, because as someone once told him, "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

Lovino was definitely in pain, but the others couldn't see that _they _were the ones that were making him suffer, with their pathetic attempts to truly make everything fine.

And why was he suffering? Because the longer he was with them, the more he would miss them all.

After all, how can he not? No matter how annoying they could get, deep down he didn't actually hate any of them.

But how can everything be fine…

When he only has one hundred days to live?

* * *

**Hello! I apologize for starting a new story without updating my other ones, I have a habit of doing this so I hope you're not too annoyed with me...**

**I will try to update my other stories too, because I ****_won't _****just abandon them, even if I start a new story, so keep that in mind please!**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story and I will put updates as fast as I can, and I apologize if there is any mistakes somewhere! (English isn't my first language and I sometimes have trouble with it!)**

**Disclaimer- I do not own the characters in this story, just the story itself**

**Hetalia (C) Hidekaz Himuraya**


	2. Day One

**Wednesday, August, 1****st**

_Beep… Beep… Beep…_

Lovino groaned as he opened his eyes. He quickly shut them again because of the brightness of the room as he swung his arm around wildly in attempt to turn the alarm clock off. He hit it and it fell to the ground and finally shut up. But judging by the sound that it made, Lovino guessed that it had smashed into a million pieces.

He considered going back to sleep, but then decided against it as he opened his eyes again and let them adjust to the light. Despite how tired he still was, he climbed out of bed and started to get ready for the day.

He picked up some random clothes off the floor, since he most likely wasn't going anywhere today unless Feliciano or Matthew tried to drag him somewhere again. He really didn't want to hurt them by refusing, but he honestly didn't want to go anywhere anymore. If he could, he would just go to sleep and never wake up again.

After getting dressed in a short sleeved black shirt and some jeans, he left his room and slowly walked down the stairs. Even before he reached the living room he could hear the laughter of Feliciano as he talked with his boyfriend Ludwig.

_Great. Every time those two are here together they try to get me to hang out with them._

Lovino attempted to pass by the living room and slip into the kitchen unnoticed, but today didn't seem to be his lucky day.

"Hey, _fratello_! Do you want to go with me and Ludwig to the park for a picnic later today?" Feliciano called cheerfully, skipping up next to him shortly after finishing his question.

Lovino didn't answer, just continued to walk across the kitchen. He grabbed the basket of tomatoes that sat on the table and began to head back to his room.

As he walked up the stairs, he heard Feliciano and Ludwig following behind him. Why wouldn't they understand that he didn't want to talk to them?

"What do you want?" he growled, spinning around to face his brother, but his voice lacked the venom that he'd intended.

"Please, Lovino?" Feliciano asked with a smile. "Come on the picnic?"

"No," he said and continued back to his room. But Feliciano wasn't about to give up and ran after him.

"Lovi! Please?"

Lovino entered his bedroom and slammed the door in Feliciano's face. He locked the door and then set the basket of tomatoes on his nightstand. He then crouched down on the floor and reached under his bed, pulling out a small box with a lock on it. He was really getting tired of this routine, and wondered what would happen if he stopped. But he wasn't going to risk it; he had to make everything seem like it was okay. He didn't want people to worry about him. This was his problem and he was going to deal with it by himself.

He removed the small chain that hung around his neck and used the key attached to it to unlock the box. Once he did so, he pulled out his glucometer and lancet. With a small sigh, simply out of frustration for having to do this many times every single day, Lovino used the lancet to pierce his skin. He put a small drop of blood onto a test strip and let the glucometer read it.

After reading his results and seeing that his blood sugar wasn't too high, he put the two objects back into the box, locked it, and pushed it under his bed once more. He then stood up and reached for a tomato from the basket. He was glad that he was still allowed to eat tomatoes after finding out that he had diabetes; they were his favourite food and he didn't think he could survive without them.

_Though, if I wasn't allowed to eat them I probably would anyway. If I only have one hundred days then what's the point?_

He sat down on his bed, staring at the tomato but not eating it. He didn't feel hungry anymore, and he knew that this meant that it was getting worse. Lovino tossed the tomato back into the basket nonchalantly, not caring if he damaged it, and lay down on his bed, burying his face in his pillow.

He wished that he could go back in time. He would do anything if it meant that he could start over. He had just made so many mistakes in his life. How could he have been so stupid!? At least he was leaving Feliciano in good hands… He knew that he could trust Ludwig to keep him safe, and now that his grandfather was here as well, Feliciano would have more people around to comfort him. But it still made his heart ache… He should have been a better big brother…

Why? Why did he always ignore Feliciano before? He always pushed him away, insulted him, said he that he was annoying… Now all he wanted was to hold his little brother close, but he refused to do so.

It sounded incredibly stupid, and in reality… It was. But Lovino wanted Feliciano to _hate _him. Then, when he was gone, Feli would be happy. He couldn't spend time with his brother anymore; Feliciano got attached way too easily and then he would only get hurt in the end.

It was a funny thing really… Lovino couldn't believe how much he missed his brother, and all his friends, as well. Well… Matthew was his only friend, really. Lovino knew that he could go to Matthew or Feliciano whenever he wanted to, but that would make it all the more painful. But there were just so many things that they hadn't done together.

Usually, when someone is told that they have a certain amount of time left to live, they spend as much time as possible with the people they love, doing all of their favourite things. Lovino didn't understand how they could do that. How could you make happy memories with people, knowing that soon, you'll never be able to see them again? Wouldn't that just make the pain of knowing that you are going to die soon worse? Wouldn't that hurt the people you love even more, because of how much they loved being with you?

So Lovino was trying to do the opposite. He was in too much pain to go out and do anything fun, and that was fine. He was fine sitting in his room all day.

But he thought that if he cut all of his friends and family out of his life, then maybe that could somehow spare them of some of the pain when he was gone. Sure, he knew that they would still miss him, it would be impossible for them not to. It was true that Lovino wasn't exactly the most likable person; he swore almost all the time, got into a lot of fights, and wasn't really close to anyone. But his family and the friends that he did have seemed to love him anyway.

A tear rolled down his cheek, followed by many more. He just couldn't believe how badly he had messed up.

When the doctor had diagnosed him with diabetes, Lovino had decided to keep it a secret from his brother because he didn't want Feli to worry. However, since Feli insisted on cooking every single day, he ended up often making food that would make Lovino's blood sugar rise dangerously high. Lovino knew how to make it go down, and that was good, but he wished that there was a way that he could avoid the pain that came with it without worrying Feli or causing him to get suspicious.

That wasn't the worst of his problems though. When he found out that he had diabetes, he should have questioned where it had come from. He decided that he must just have bad luck and that he'd just have to cope with it. He didn't look further into it, and that was a mistake.

When he became depressed, he decided that it must just be because the diabetes are stressing him out. He hated having to check his blood sugar before and after he ate, he found it annoying when there certain foods he was no longer allowed to have, and he hated the fact that he wasn't allowed to skip a meal no matter how much he wanted to.

Speaking of which, Lovino sat up again and reached for the tomato. He still wasn't hungry, but he decided that he should probably eat anyway. He _was_ starting to lose weight like crazy, which was odd since he'd had the same diet ever since he'd discovered that he had diabetes five years ago…

The thing that Lovino regretted most of all however was that he didn't go to the doctor's right away when he discovered a pain in his upper abdomen. He decided that it would probably go away eventually and ignored it.

But after months had flown by and the pain was still there, Lovino finally decided to have it checked out. The previous day, he went to the doctor, but he waited too long. It was too late…

_"Mr. Vargas, your results have come in."_

_ "What is it? I'm going to get better, right?"_

_ The doctor looked at him with sadness in his eyes and shook his head. Lovino felt his heart drop._

_ "W-What's wrong?" he asked._

_ "I'm afraid that you have been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer."_

_ Lovino's eyes widened. "H-How…"_

_ "You have been diagnosed with diabetes before, am I correct?"_

_ Lovino nodded._

_ "Pancreatic cancer does not cause any symptoms early on; therefore it is usually at an advanced stage once it is discovered. Many patients develop diabetes months or even years before being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and I believe this is what has happened to you."_

_ "So I've had it for like five years and didn't even know?"_

_ The doctor nodded. "Unfortunately, yes."_

_ "… Can it be cured?" Lovino was dreading the answer._

_ "Well, it is pretty advanced by now, but with surgery, there is a chance that we _might _be able to."_

_ Lovino looked down. He couldn't afford surgery! Both he and Feliciano didn't have very good jobs, and they were behind on their bills as it was!_

_ "… How long do I have?"_

_ "My guess is no more than a hundred days."_

* * *

"_I shouldn't have eaten those damn tomatoes" _were Lovino's thoughts as he kneeled in front of the toilet, puking his guts out.

"Ve~ Are you okay, _fratello_?" Feliciano called and knocked on the door to the bathroom.

"I'm fine!" Lovino managed to yell before another round of nausea overtook him and he went back to vomiting.

"You don't sound fine." Lovino could almost hear the pout in Feliciano's voice. Lovino didn't answer and stayed in front of the toilet in case he felt sick again. After a few minutes, he deemed it safe to leave and flushed the vile stuff down the toilet before he washed his hands and left the bathroom.

Feliciano was standing outside the bathroom door, Ludwig not far behind him. Feliciano had a look of suspicion on his face.

_He couldn't possibly be smart enough to figure it out…?_

"Lovino… Are you pregnant?"

_Yeah. He definitely wasn't smart enough._

He could see Ludwig face-palm as he glared at his brother. "Feli, I'm a _boy_!"

Feliciano stared at him in confusion for a few seconds before a large smile appeared on his face. "_Me too!_ What a coincidence!"

Lovino groaned as he began to go back to his room. "Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some just abuse the privilege." He reached for the doorknob and was about to enter his room, for the rest of the day hopefully, when he felt his hand be grabbed.

Lovino turned to Feliciano with a glare. "_What_?"

"Lovi… If you love me you'll go on the picnic." Feliciano was using his best puppy dog eyes. How could Lovino say no to that? He turned away from his brother.

"I really don't want to go," he hoped that Feliciano would understand. Lovino didn't really have the strength to go anywhere. Why did Feli have to be so persistent and- Wait… Was that crying?

Lovino spun around only to see tears running down his brother's cheeks. Feliciano didn't meet his gaze as he let go of Lovino's hand and began to head back to the stairs.

Lovino groaned. "Feliciano… Fine. I'll go."

And the next thing he knew, he was on the floor trapped in a bone crushing hug.

"Oh thank you Lovi! Thank you so much!" Feliciano exclaimed.

"Get _off!_"

After Feliciano had let go of his brother and they were both back on their feet, Feliciano shot Lovino a large smile, all traces of tears gone, and then proceeded to chat with Ludwig about all the special food they were going to bring on the picnic. Meanwhile, only one thought was racing through Lovino's head;

_What just happened?_

* * *

Lovino sat as far away from Feliciano and Ludwig as he possibly could. They were busy being all lovey and disgusting, or at least that's what it looked like to Lovino, while he was trying to make this trip seem less horrible than it really was.

It was too hot, even in the shade, and there were too many flies. They also had to sit on the prickly grass because Feliciano had forgotten to bring a blanket, and there were ants everywhere. Yup, this trip was definitely relaxing.

"Someone please shoot me." Lovino muttered, tearing out a clump of grass since there was nothing else to do.

"Aren't you having fun, _fratello_?" Feliciano asked, taking his attention off Ludwig for probably the first time since they got to the park.

"_Yes _Feliciano! This is the most fun I've ever had!" Lovino's voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Oh, good! I was worried that you were bored or something!"

"Oh my God…"

"Feliciano, how about we take some pictures?" Ludwig suggested.

"Okay!"

"Why don't you go sit with your brother? I'll take the picture."

"Sure thing!"

Feliciano skipped over to Lovino, quickly sitting down beside him, much too close for Lovino's liking, and slung an arm over his shoulders.

Ludwig got the camera out and faced the two brothers. "Ready?" he asked.

"Lovi! Do the peace sign with me!"

Lovino stuck up the middle finger instead.

* * *

After they took a few more pictures and finished the food (Lovino didn't eat anything), Feliciano suggested that they go for a walk by the lake. Lovino immediately said that it was a stupid idea and said that they should just go home already, but Ludwig agreed with his brother and the two ended up dragging Lovino along with them.

They were now walking by the lake, which Lovino had to admit, was beautiful. It had clean water, unlike many of the other lakes in the area, and since the sun was starting to set the reflection seemed to glow a bright yellow-red.

"Ve~ it's so pretty!" Feliciano said in awe.

"It is." Ludwig agreed.

"Whatever."

"Don't be so grumpy, Lovi!"

Lovino muttered something under his breath and continued walking along the edge of the lake. He came across a rock and started kicking it around, drowning out the voices of Feliciano and Ludwig behind him. The day was coming to an end already? At this rate it would be no time before… _No… Don't think about that._

The sound of footsteps caught his attention and Lovino turned around, seeing the other two approaching him. Feliciano was looking at something that he was holding in his hands. When his brother reached him, Feliciano held out what he had caught so Lovino could see.

"Look, Lovi! I caught a mayfly! Her name is August!" Feliciano said cheerfully. Lovino rolled his eyes.

Feliciano frowned as he looked at the little bug. "Did you know that the lifespan of an adult mayfly is thirty minutes to one day? Do you think that she knows when she'll die? If she does, then she must be so sad… I know that I would be. Wouldn't you be sad Lovino, if you knew that you were going to die soon?"

Lovino didn't answer so Feliciano continued.

"If I was going to die soon, I would make it the best day ever. That way… I can go out with a smile on my face… Like dad did… What would you do, Lovi?"

"Take me home." Lovino muttered. He could see everything starting to get blurry but he wouldn't let the tears fall.

"What was that, Lovino?"

"_Take_. _Me_. _Home_!"

"A-Alright!"

_What would I do? I'd just sit, wait it out, and hope for the best while expecting the worst._

* * *

**Forgive me if there is something wrong! I do not know much about diabetes or cancer, so I had to look it up and I may have made mistakes. I hope the story doesn't seem like it's going too fast, what, with all the explaining? I just wanted to make sure it was clear what was wrong..**

**Well, anyway long chapter! I'll try to update this and my other stories as quickly as I can, so stay tuned!**

**Review please! :)**

**Hetalia (C) Hidekaz Himuraya**


	3. Day Two

**Thursday, August, 2****nd**

_A little boy ran across a frozen lake, sliding on the ice as though he were skating. All was silent except for the boy's laugher and a sound that sounded vaguely like splintering wood._

_ The boy slipped, falling down onto his hands and knees. He thought that he felt the ice shift slightly under him, but decided that he must have imagined it. Just as he was about to stand back up and resume playing, the sound of a door slamming pierced the air._

_ "Antonio! Get back here this instant!"_

_ The boy looked up to see his father at shore, frantically waving his arms. The boy pouted, even though his father wouldn't be able to see because of the distance between them._

_ "But I'm having so much fun!" he complained._

_ "Come back! I thought I told you not to go out there! It isn't safe!"_

_ Sighing, the boy carefully stood up and began to go back to his father, who seemed to flinch slightly with every step the boy took._

_ Once the boy was within arm's reach, his father grabbed him and quickly pulled him back to land, scolding him for going onto the ice after he had been told not to._

_ "Where is your scarf?" the father asked after a moment. The boy put his hands up to his neck, realizing for the first time that the scarf was missing._

_ "I think I dropped it out on the ice…"_

_ "That's fine; we'll just get you a new one."_

_ "B-But grandmother made it for me! I told her that I'll keep it forever! I have to go get it!" he turned and began to run back onto the lake, but his father grabbed his arm and pulled him back._

_ "What do you think you're doing? Didn't I tell you that it's dangerous?"_

_ "But my scarf…" tears were now falling from the boy's eyes as he stared out at the lake. His father sighed._

_ "It's alright. You wait here, and I'll go get it," without waiting for a reply, the boy's father started walking across the lake, toward the spot where his son had been previously. However, he was never able to get that scarf._

_ The ice cracked and disappeared from under him, causing the man to vanish under the waves and leaving a child crying for his father._

* * *

Antonio shook his head, hoping he could somehow toss out the memory of that horrible reoccurring nightmare. He'd been having it every night for as long as he could remember, and yet, even though he knew what was going to happen, it scared him every time. He hoped that perhaps it'd be different, at least once! That he had never gone out onto the ice or never begged for his scarf… But alas, it ended the same way every time.

His friends were trying to get him to go seek professional help, like a therapist or even going to a mental hospital. They were convinced that he was driving himself into depression, but he wasn't depressed! _I just feel awful. How would they feel if they had to watch their father die every night, knowing that it's their fault? _

He hadn't told anyone what goes on in his dreams. The closest he had come to confessing the horrible truth was telling his two best friends, Francis and Gilbert, that he often had nightmares. They seemed serious for once, and asked if he wanted to talk about it, but he had refused. After all, how would talking about it help? There was nothing that they could say to fix his problem. He killed his father; it was as simple as that.

And so what if he didn't go to sleep until he couldn't take it anymore and passed out? It was _his _life! He could stay up as long as he wanted to! It wasn't even that much of a problem… Yeah, he was slower at work and his boss had threatened to fire him unless he tried harder, and he had bags under his eyes, but he could easily use some makeup to cover that up. As for his job… Well, he'd just have to drink a lot of coffee.

"Excuse me, sir? Are you alright?"

"Huh?" Antonio looked around, and noticed for the first time that he was on the ground, surrounded by fallen cans of soup. _Oh yeah… I'm at the grocery store…_

He groaned as he pulled himself to his feet, looking at the girl who had spoken to him. She had short blond hair with a red headband and bright, green eyes.

"Oh. Sorry miss…" he looked at her name tag. "Bella. I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing. Here, I'll help clean up," he offered a tired smile and knelt down to pick up some of the cans that he had knocked over.

"It's quite alright, and thank you." Bella replied, also cleaning up the cans.

"My name's Antonio," he told her after a moment.

Bella smiled. "Pleased to meet you, Antonio! I can't help but ask… Are you alright? You seem awfully tired."

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine. I might have gone to sleep a little late last night. I've been doing some extra work so that my boss wouldn't fire me." Okay, so it wasn't a _complete _lie. He had been up doing work, but today was his day off, so he didn't absolutely have to finish it all the previous day, but if it was an excuse not to go to sleep, then he'd take it.

"Oh, because you looked like something was stressing you out. I hope everything's okay?"

He reached for the last can and placed it back on the stand before he answered. "Everything's fine, just, you know… Usual stuff; money issues, people at work being jerks…"

"I know exactly what that's like, except it's not really my co-workers who are jerks, it's sometimes the customers…" she chuckled and pointed over to another part of the store. Antonio turned and saw another worker, this one a man with green eyes, glasses, and pale blond hair, trying to calm down a man with dark brown hair and green eyes. The brunette was yelling at the blond in what sounded like an Italian accent, and complaining that life is too short for him to risk getting sick from milk that is so close to expiration. The blond was trying to explain that the milk wouldn't hurt him, but he's sorry and can go find him a better carton.

Bella smiled softly and shook her head. "That man is Lovino Vargas; I've known him for a while. Apparently, we're not friends anymore."

"What do you mean?" Antonio asked while watching the Italian curiously.

"I really don't know… He wasn't always like that, you know. He was always a little rude, but as of recently he's a ticking time bomb. He called me just yesterday, and without any explanation he told me that he never wants to talk to me again so I shouldn't even try, and then he hung up."

"Maybe he's having some problems at home?" Antonio suggested.

Bella shrugged. "It's possible, I guess, but his younger brother is just a little sweetheart, and his grandfather is very kind, so I'm not sure."

"I'm gonna go talk to him." Antonio said with a smile.

"Please; go save Eduard." Bella giggled, looking at the blond man that was still being yelled at by Lovino. Antonio nodded, and after he thanked Bella for being so kind, he went to approach the two.

"Hello!" he said cheerfully upon reaching Lovino and the man who Bella had called Eduard. Lovino looked up at Antonio, and Eduard, looking relieved at the distraction, made his escape.

"What do you want?" Lovino asked with a scowl on his face.

"I just wanted to say hi!" Antonio smiled, and offered his hand. Lovino just glared at it before finally shaking it.

"I'm Antonio Fernandez Carriedo!" he exclaimed.

"Lovino. Lovino Vargas," he then turned around, opening his mouth to yell but then shutting it.

"Where'd that other bastard go?" Lovino muttered.

"I don't know!"

Lovino raised an eyebrow and then picked up his basket of groceries and began to walk away. Antonio stood and stared at him before realizing that he was leaving.

"Wait! Where are you going!?" he gasped, rushing after the Italian.

"What does it look like? To finish my shopping."

"Oh… I'll just come with you then," it's not like he had anything better to do. He didn't even know what he was doing at the grocery store.

Lovino seemed to read his mind. "What are you doing? Do you come to the store for no reason other than to follow people around? Because that's fucking creepy."

"No… I think I was shopping, but now I forgot what I needed to buy… And where I left my stuff…" he chuckled nervously. Lately his memory hadn't been the best, was it because he was losing sleep? _No, that can't be it._

"So… Do you have a short attention span, or are you just stupid?" Lovino asked.

"I'm not stupid." Antonio protested. Lovino smirked mischievously before pulling something off the shelf and tossing it to him. It hit him in the face.

"Why are you throwing produce at me?" Antonio whined.

Lovino sighed. "Just look at it."

Antonio frowned before bending down and picking up whatever it was that Lovino had thrown at him. He stared at the box in confusion, before he quickly became fascinated with it.

"'I can't believe it's not butter'? Well if it's not butter, then what is it? How can it not be butter? It has to be!" he ranted.

Lovino chuckled. "Not stupid? I rest my case."

They then continued to walk through the store; Lovino stopping once in a while to add something to his basket while Antonio followed him, fussing over the not-butter that he was still holding. Eventually, they reached the register. Lovino paid for his things and Antonio was forced to part with his beloved not-butter once he discovered that he had forgotten his wallet at home.

"Bastard, go put that back." Lovino told him.

"Okay…" Antonio said sadly. "Wait for me!"

"Why should I wait for you?" Lovino asked with a scowl.

"I'll walk you home!" Antonio offered.

"It's raining."

"How do you know?"

"Look out the window."

Antonio looked, and sure enough, it was raining. More like storming, actually. Now he did feel pretty stupid. "Oh…"

They stood in an awkward silence for a while before Lovino sighed. "I'm guessing that you didn't bring a car. Want me to drive you home?"

Antonio brightened up immediately and pulled Lovino into a hug. "Will you, Lovi? Thank you so much!" he cheerfully exclaimed.

"Let go of me, bastard! And don't call me that!"

"Okay, Lovi~" Antonio smiled. Lovino frowned at the fact that he used the nickname again.

Lovino turned away from him. "Just go put away that butter and then we'll leave."

Antonio nodded and quickly ran back to where he had got it from, but not before making sure that Lovino understood that it wasn't butter.

As he placed the product back on the shelf, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see Bella smiling at him, holding out a small piece of paper.

"What's this?" he asked, taking the paper.

"My phone number. Call me if you ever need someone to talk to, okay?"

Antonio smiled. "Thanks, Bella. I really have to get going now, though! I'll see you around!" he waved to her and then ran back to Lovino, who he hoped didn't ditch him.

* * *

Lovino pulled up at the house that belonged to Antonio and waited for the Spaniard to leave. When he didn't, Lovino turned to him.

"Why aren't you getting out? Isn't this where you live, bastard?" he asked. Antonio seemed to snap out of his daze and nodded, opening the door from the passenger side of Lovino's car and getting out.

"Thanks for the ride." Antonio said without even looking at him.

"Whatever." Lovino mumbled, and waited for Antonio to close the door, since rain was pouring onto his seat. When he didn't and just continued to stand there, staring at his house, Lovino really began to question his stupidity. _I was just kidding before, but this guy just keeps doing more things that prove I might be right._

"What are you standing there for, bastard!? My seats are getting ruined!" he snapped. Antonio didn't seem fazed and instead said something else.

"Will I ever see you again, Lovi?"

Lovino was shocked. He didn't even care about the nickname because he couldn't help but think; _why _would this guy even _want _to see him again? He was irritable, rude, and most likely incredibly annoying. Everyone preferred his brother over him except Matthew and Bella. Bella was just naturally kind and didn't mind, but Lovino had to push her away because he didn't want her to get badly hurt once he was gone. She was a sweet girl, and didn't deserve that. Matthew was his neighbor and Feliciano's friend as well, so even if Lovino did push him away then he'd keep coming back. Matthew was able to deal with him, since he already had to put up with his brother Alfred… But what would Antonio have to gain from this? Lovino would only bother him. But perhaps having one friend would be okay… He didn't have to cut off all his connections with _everyone_, right?

_ Wait- What am I thinking!?_

"Probably not." Lovino replied and reached over the seat to close the door. He drove away, and couldn't help but notice Antonio keep standing in his driveway, getting soaked, as he watched Lovino drive away.

_It's for his own good._

* * *

With a small sigh, Lovino trudged up the steps to his house, annoyed that he and his groceries were getting soaked. He was in pain, and wished that he had some help, but he had to make it seem like everything was alright.

Lovino pulled open the door, glad that it was unlocked, and stepped into the house. He was about to call out "I'm home!", like he always did, but stopped when he heard Feliciano and his grandfather chatting in the other room.

"But _nonno_!"

"It's for Lovino's own good, Feliciano."

Lovino narrowed his eyes in suspicion. He slowly closed the door, hoping that the other two wouldn't hear the _click_, and quietly placed the bags down on the floor. After he pulled his shoes off, Lovino tip toed over to the kitchen and pressed his ear against the door. He knew that he shouldn't be eavesdropping, but he _had _to know what they were talking about! What if they discovered his glucometer, or talked to the doctor and found out that he had cancer?

"… I think that it would really help him." Romulus said.

"_We _could help him! There's no need to send him to the mental hospital!" Feliciano protested.

"You need to understand this, Feli. I really think that Lovino has depression! Who knows what he might do if he doesn't get help?"

"Just because he's been talking to us less doesn't mean that something's wrong with him… Maybe he's just tired."

"Feli, he doesn't want to do anything other than sit in his room all day, and he's starting to ignore everyone. Yesterday, I heard him call that nice girl that lives a few streets down and tell her that he doesn't want to talk to her again, and he's gotten _very _picky with his food over the past months. It might not be depression, but there _is _something wrong. That much I do know."

"I'm sure he's fine! Why don't we take a nice trip or something, as a family! I'm sure that Lovi will feel better with a nice break!"

Romulus sighed. "I'm keeping a close eye on him, and if I think that he gets worse, I'm signing him into a mental hospital."

Lovino backed away from the kitchen door, eyes wide. _They're catching on…_ He'd have to try harder to hide the truth. They couldn't find out!

He rushed back to the front door and picked up his groceries again. He opened the door, only to slam it shut moments after.

"I'm home!" he yelled loudly. Not even ten seconds later, Feliciano and Romulus exited the kitchen, both with smiles on their faces and they each took a few of the groceries from him, like they always would, acting as though the conversation they just had never happened.

* * *

**Here's the next chapter! :D With a special appearance from Belgium and Estonia!**

**We get some shocking information about Antonio's past ;o Next chapter should be up pretty soon!**

**Please review~**


	4. Day Three

**Friday, August, 3****rd**

Lovino sighed contently as he sat down in the armchair, wrapping himself in a blanket and then reaching over to grab the book he had picked out. Finally, he could be alone and relax. Feliciano had gone to work and his grandfather had gone out to town to take care of something. He didn't get to be by himself often, so this was wonderful.

He took his mug of coffee from the table beside the chair and drank from it before putting it back on the table and opening his book.

"Maybe today no one will bother me…" he said to himself, and allowed a small smile onto his face.

The all too familiar chime of the doorbell ran through the house, and Lovino groaned.

"Speak of the devil," he muttered as he shut the book, put it onto the table, and knocked the blanket onto the floor before getting up and slowly making his way to the front door.

The door bell rang again, and Lovino scowled.

"I'm coming!" he yelled. He grabbed the doorknob and flung the door open, not caring when it hit the wall hard enough for the old coat hook to fall off, taking all the coats that were hanging onto it to the floor with it.

The person on the other side of the door flinched and took a step back, and Lovino scowled even more when he saw the small basket in the person's hand.

"What do you want, Matthew?" he demanded.

Matthew held the basket out to Lovino. "I-I made sugar cookies… I was just going to give you some…"

Lovino sighed and took the basket. "Thanks," he muttered. _I'm going to have to throw these away. _He looked down at the basket. He wished that he could eat all the things that Matthew baked for him, but he wouldn't risk it. What if his blood sugar got too high and he wasn't able to treat it himself, and Feliciano and Romulus came home and found him?

That was another reason why he didn't want to tell them. He was afraid of how they would react. Would they be angry that he hadn't told them sooner? Or would they be sad? Or disappointed… That one scared him the most.

Matthew cleared his throat and Lovino looked up to see the blond looking at him expectantly.

"Oh… Uh… Come in." Lovino said awkwardly, moving aside so Matthew could step into the house. He did so and Lovino led him to the living room, leaving the basket of cookies in the kitchen on the way.

Once in the living room, Lovino sat down in the armchair that he had been sitting in earlier, while Matthew took a seat on the small couch across from him. They just stared at each other, the awkward tension in the room growing stronger until Matthew broke the silence.

"Lovino… Has something been bothering you as of late?" he asked.

Lovino was taken aback by the question, and it took him a moment to answer. "What are you talking about, bastard?" but his voice didn't sound as angry as he'd intended it to.

"You've been acting differently…" Matthew trailed off, looking at the wall instead of Lovino.

"I assure you, Matthew. There is nothing wrong."

"… Would you tell me, if there was?" Matthew hesitated on the question, as though he was afraid that Lovino would be angry at him for asking.

"I would."

Matthew looked up at him, and their eyes met for the first time during the entire conversation.

"Can you look me in the eye and tell me that?"

Now Lovino hesitated. Should he tell Matthew? He'd feel bad lying to his only friend… Maybe Matthew could help. It was pretty difficult living with this huge secret, perhaps talking about it would make it less stressful?

Lovino opened his mouth, and then shut it again. _What am I doing!? Was I really about to tell him _everything? _The diabetes, the cancer… How scared I am…?_

If Matthew knew, then he'd surely tell Feliciano and Romulus, and Lovino couldn't let that happen. Matthew couldn't find out.

"Yes?" the Canadian urged him to go on.

Lovino shook his head. "Never mind," he then looked at the floor, feeling horrible for not being able to trust his friend.

Matthew sighed. "Whatever is it, I hope you get well soon," he stood up to leave. "I'll see you later, okay Lovino? Tell Feliciano I say hi."

Lovino continued to sit in the chair, his gaze still on that same spot on the floor, and he didn't move until after he heard the door click shut and was sure that Matthew was gone.

Lovino stood up and walked into the kitchen, grabbing the basket of sugar cookies and peering inside it again. Maybe he should leave some for Feliciano, and just pretend that he ate the rest? Or maybe he _should _eat them… Who knows, maybe they'd kill him and then all his suffering would end.

He scowled and just tossed all of the cookies into the trash. _What am I thinking!? My time's already almost up, I shouldn't go around thinking about killing myself!_

He felt a headache coming on and frowned. Looking at the clock, he could see that it was only 3:00pm. Feliciano would come home in two hours, and Romulus could be back anytime now.

Deciding that he had enough contact with people for one day, Lovino made his way upstairs to go take a nap. Maybe if he was sleeping then his brother and grandfather would leave him alone.

* * *

Antonio sighed, trying hard to stay awake but his eyelids felt heavy. He leaned away from his computer and stretched his arms over his head and yawned before getting back to work.

He stared at the screen, unsure of what to type. After he read over what he had written, he groaned and ended up deleting the entire document and starting over.

He felt his eyelids dropping closed again and leaned onto his hand, giving in and shutting his eyes for a moment. Bad idea.

"Carriedo! Stop slacking off and get back to work!"

Antonio jumped in his seat and looked over his shoulder to see his boss, Arthur Kirkland, glaring at him from the doorway of his office.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "I was up late with friends last night since it was my day off, and I guess that I'm a bit tired…" Of course, it was a complete lie. The only people he had seen the day before were Bella and Lovino, but Arthur would be even angrier if he knew that Antonio had stayed up late for practically no reason.

"Well that's your own fault. You shouldn't stay up late knowing that you have work in the morning. You need to be more responsible."

_He's scolding me like a child that fell asleep at school…_

Arthur left and Antonio tried to focus on his work again. He opened up a new document and tried to remember what he was supposed to type. _Oh yeah… I need to make a presentation to show at the next meeting about the project I've been working on…_

Antonio tried to focus and began to type once more. He yawned again and felt his eyes closing but he fought to stay awake, but he was extremely tired since he probably got only around twenty minutes of sleep the previous night. He kept thinking about his father… And Lovino. He wished that he could see the Italian again, but Lovino didn't seem to like him very much. Oh well, he can hope.

Then everything went black and he collapsed from exhaustion.

* * *

**Pretty short and suckish chapter- sorry :'c** **I'll probably upload the next chapter later today or tomorrow though, so please excuse my fail x)**

**I only have three days of break left.. School starts on Tuesday.. I'm kind of nervous, since I'm actually pretty shy at school and don't really talk to anybody and I only have one or two classes with my friend.. Plus, I have no idea where any of my classes are, or when lunch is, or where my locker is, or anything! I don't even have a backpack.. And my friend told me that there's some thing called Quest that I never even heard of after lunch!? Whatt. **

**Okay, Now I'm starting to panic even more because I'm just realizing how truly ****_freaking _****_unprepared_**** I am. Yeah. This is so intense that is deserves to be in italics ****_and_**** underlined. Shit just got serious.**

**Would any of you happen to know what highschool is like? Heheh..**

**Anyway, now that my little spaz attack is over...**

**Please review! :)**


	5. Day Four

**Saturday, August, 4****th**

_"Daddy, no!" _

_ Antonio stared in shock as his father disappeared of the black waves of the lake. His hand reached out through the water, attempting to grab onto the ice and pull himself out but his efforts were in vain._

"Antonio."

_"Dad!" Antonio screamed. There was nothing he could do except stand there and watch. Watch his father die._

"_Antonio_."

_He was sick. He was a murderer. It was his fault that his father was dying out there. He killed him._

"Antonio!"

_The world seemed to shake and begin to fall apart. The rest of the ice cracked and disappeared. Now his father didn't even have the slightest chance of escaping the frozen chamber. Snow started to quickly come down and before long it was an all out blizzard, with strong winds pushing Antonio away from the lake._

_ Despite the wind, he could still hear his father splashing in the water. He could hear him attempt to shout, but most of the words sounded gurgled because of the water._

_ And then it was silent. All the sound apart from the wind seemed to stop, and it was even more unbearable then the splashes._

_ "I'm sorry!" Antonio screamed hysterically, even though no one would hear. "I didn't mean to! It should have been me!"_

"_Antonio! _Wake up! You're having a bad dream!"

Antonio's eyes flew open and he quickly sat up and gasped. He stared wide eyed at his hands, which were shaking, and wished that his heartbeat would slow down. After a moment, he noticed that he wasn't alone and looked over to see his best friends Gilbert and Francis sitting beside him.

He looked around and noticed that he wasn't in his room, but in the living room, on the floor surrounded by pillows and blankets. He looked at his friends with a confused expression.

"What am I doing here?" he asked. Gilbert looked at him with an expression that seemed to say 'are you stupid?', while Francis looked to be worried. The blond and the albino exchanged a look before Gilbert spoke.

"We met up after you finished working yesterday, and you told us that we should spend the night."

Antonio nodded, pretending that he remembered now when he actually didn't. However, Francis saw right through his lie.

"I'm worried about you, mon ami; you seem to be forgetting a lot of things now a days… Is there something wrong?"

"Huh? No, everything's perfectly fine." Antonio said with a smile.

"Then why were you thrashing and screaming your sleep?" Gilbert asked.

"And not in the good way." Francis felt the need to add.

"Just a nightmare." Antonio said nonchalantly with a shrug.

Gilbert frowned. "You never want to do anything fun anymore and you're always acting depressed and staring into space," he stated.

"Plus, you have very large bags under your eyes." Francis then proceeded to grab a tissue from the box on the coffee table and used it to wipe the makeup off of Antonio's face. The Spaniard tried to push him away, but he was too tired to fight back properly. "You are tainting your beautiful complexion!" Francis gasped.

"Dude, how long were you covering that up with makeup?" Gilbert raised an eyebrow as he got a proper look of Antonio's face. "You look like a ghoul."

Antonio rolled his eyes and turned his head away, not liking all the attention that he was getting about this.

"What time did you go to sleep?" Francis asked. "I think that both Gilbert and I went to sleep before you did."

"I went to bed around the same time as you guys." Antonio lied. He snuck a look at the clock on the wall; 7:04am. He fell asleep sometime around six.

"And what about on other days?" Francis questioned, thankfully believing the lie.

"I don't know."

"Antonio…"

"Not that late!"

"If you didn't go to sleep late then you wouldn't have bags under your eyes."

Ignoring the Frenchman, Antonio got up and went to go find some clothes to change into.

When he returned to the living room, he found that his friends had picked up all the blankets, pillows, and trash off the floor, which he was grateful for. He glanced at the clock again as he walked through the kitchen, hearing his friends following him. It was now 7:19am.

"I have to go to work so you guys should go… I don't know… Somewhere." Antonio mumbled halfheartedly as he stumbled through the doorway and out to his car.

"Eyebrows is gonna kill you." Gilbert said.

Antonio yawned. "Why?"

"Well, not only are you almost half an hour late, but you fell asleep at work yesterday and you were _very _close to getting fired."

Francis smirked. "But luckily, I was there to charm Arthur and change his mind."

"Charm? More like creep out." Gilbert snickered.

"Thanks Francis, and sorry; I know I've been ignoring you guys lately, so how about we all hangout tomorrow since I don't have to work?"

"Awesome!" Gilbert exclaimed as Francis nodded. Antonio managed a tired smile and then pulled out the keys to his car, which Francis snatched away from him.

"What gives?" Antonio muttered.

"I'll drive you." Francis offered. "You've been falling asleep everywhere lately! I don't want you to get into an accident."

Antonio was about to protest, saying that he wasn't even tired, but he felt his eyes dropping closed and he yawned. "Fine," he muttered, and got into the passenger seat of his car.

* * *

"Thanks, Francis." Antonio said as he got out of his car. They were now in front of the large building where Antonio's office was, and he could already see Arthur standing in front of the double doors, glaring at him.

"Anytime, mon ami." Francis answered. "I'll pick you up after work, be outside at 6:00pm, alright?" Antonio nodded.

"The awesome me will bring you some coffee and a sandwich at lunch, so don't worry about being hungry or something!" Gilbert, who had tagged along, shouted from the backseat. Antonio closed the car door and smiled to himself as he approached his boss, thankful for having such caring friends.

"Carriedo, its 7:43. Care to explain why you're over forty minutes late to work?"

"Uh… Well, you see…"

"To my office. Now."

Well, there goes his good mood.

* * *

Lovino groaned at the bright sunlight as he slowly opened his eyes, feeling more tired than ever because of his restless sleep. All night, he'd had horrible dreams. They couldn't exactly be classified as nightmares though, more like annoying. He hated those kinds of dreams; the kind where it seems real, but you know that you're dreaming, and it doesn't even make any sense.

From the corner of his eye, Lovino saw a figure, and whipped his head around to face it. Just as he was about to scream and swear at the person, he realized that it was only his brother, and calmed down slightly.

Feliciano was sitting in a chair right beside his bed, doing nothing except staring at him. Lovino stared back at his younger brother in confusion, before asking him what he was doing.

"You were mumbling things in your sleep, so I listened." Feliciano replied, a stoic look on his face.

Lovino raised an eyebrow. "Is that so..?"

Feliciano nodded slightly. "It was very… _Interesting_…"

"Stop being so creepy." Lovino said, leaning away from Feliciano.

"Lovino, I've been thinking-"

"Really? Thanks for the warning."

Feliciano ignored the comment and continued. "It seems that something is bothering you… _Nonno _noticed as well, and we're both worried. What's the matter? I don't like it when something's bothering you and I don't know what it is. It makes me feel really worthless, since you always help me when I have a problem but I'm leaving you to suffer alone. Why do you never ask for help when you need it? You know that no one will judge you, right? I know that when we were younger that bothered you, but I thought that you didn't care about that stuff by now… You don't always have to be strong, Lovino. Please, ask for help when you need it."

Lovino stared wide eyed at his brother. "Okay, how _long _was I asleep?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that it must have taken you a million years to come up with that. You just sounded… Not like a dumbass. Usually you say things like 'trees are just giant broccolis.'"

Feliciano sighed as he stood up from his chair to leave. "Lovino, do you trust me?"

"Of course I do!"

Feliciano turned away from him. "Okay, but come tell me that again when you really mean it."

* * *

After the odd encounter with Feliciano, no one had come up to talk to him that day. It was now almost 9:30pm, and Lovino was alone in the house. Feliciano had decided to stay late at work to help a co-worker with something, and Romulus was most likely out drinking with some friends.

Normally, Lovino would be overjoyed at being left by himself, but after what Feliciano had said, Lovino had been thinking... It was like his sleep the previous night, he just felt restless and wanted to keep the annoying thoughts out of his head, but it was impossible.

_I'm afraid that you have been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer._

Why couldn't he tell anyone? He thought it was simply because he didn't want anyone to worry; he wasn't worth it. But lately, it seemed that he was only using that reason to cover up the real one; he was scared…

_Will I ever see you again, Lovi?_

Why did Antonio say that? Who would want to willingly spend time with him? He was rude to everyone and swore too much. Antonio probably just wanted to mess with him, just like all those other people did at school when he was younger…

_I'm keeping a close eye on him, and if I think that he gets worse, I'm signing him into a mental hospital._

Would his grandfather really do that? He wouldn't dare… What would happen if he did go to a mention hospital? He didn't want anyone prying into his life. He wouldn't let anyone know. Ever.

_Can you look me in the eye and tell me that?_

He felt awful for lying to Matthew, but he had no other choice, no matter how guilty it made him. Matthew would tell Feliciano and Romulus, and then they would be angry at him for keeping it a secret. He knew they would.

_You were mumbling things in your sleep._

Oh God… What did he _say!? _Feliciano probably knew, or was at least suspicious… He was just acting like he wasn't. He wanted Lovino to confess by himself. He probably told everyone that he knew by now, and all of them would just sit back and watch as Lovino fell apart, laughing at how pathetic he was becoming…

A similar incident happened when he was younger, and now it was going to happen again.

Lovino stampeded through his house. He kicked furniture and knocked things off the shelves. He shoved a vase off of the dining room table, pausing to watch it shatter into a million pieces on the floor. He fell to his knees, the glass from the vase embedding itself in his hand. He didn't care.

A sense of paranoia came over him. He didn't know why, but he didn't need to. The only thing that mattered was that he was positive that they were planning something against him. He was furious.

He wouldn't allow it to happen again.

* * *

**First of all, I'm sorry, I know that this is late :c I felt too lazy to finish it after I wrote the last chapter, and I planned to do it the next day, but then I went shopping for some last minute things for highschool and I came home late and was too tired to write any more, but here it is!**

**Lovino's freaking out ;o Feliciano was pretty OOC here lol. Oh well. **

**Tomorrow's my first day of highschool I'm so nervous D: And I've got to wake up at like 5;00am. Yay. -.-**

**I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as I can- my guess is that it'll be done sometime within the next two days, so, yeah.**

**Please review! :)**

**And it would mean a lot to me if you went and voted on my poll~!**


	6. Don't hate me

**Hey everyone. Sorry to say that this isn't a chapter but.. I'd like to tell you all that I'm sorry that I haven't updated this for a while. I lose inspiration for stories quickly and think of ideas for new ones, but I WILL try to continue this. I just don't have much time for writing anymore as I come home from school completely tired and usually go straight to sleep, and I have so much homework that I'm failing English with a near 0% mark. So.. Yeah.**

**I was also wondering whether I should redo this story. I think that then I might write it more often. I don't like the plot that I originally had planned out for this, and this story was actually meant to have 100 chapters, but I'll never be able to complete that unless they are maybe 300 words long each. **

**So what do you think? Should I restart it?**

**Again, I am terribly sorry for not updating. Everyone who has reviewed, followed, or favourited this story.. I love you all :3**

**Haha yep. That's all there is, I guess.**

**Please tell me what you think, review or PM me :) Remember, I also Beta stories, so I'd be happy to do that for anyone, and if anyone has a request for perhaps a oneshot, I'd very much consider doing that for you :)**

**Stay awesome!**


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